Wednesday, December 25, 2013

This Is A Problem Only I Could Have.


So recently, I gained some weight. Fifteen pounds from the weight I like to pretend to be and five to ten pounds actually  heavier than I was before.  Basically, since last spring during finals month I've eaten with pretty reckless abandon.  Chocolate makes me happy.  So does tofu. And pasta. And cake.  It's fine, I'm really cool with it.  I believe that my worth is not linked to my scale and I am a strong and independent feminist woman who don't need no beauty standards.  This is all fine.  So what's the problem, you may ask?

Well dear readers, let me give you a little history.  For all the girls,do you remember those times when your camp counselors/ school nurses/ gym teachers took you into one room while the boys got to play dodgeball?  They played Mean Girls clips and gave you compact mirrors and told you you were beautiful inside out, maybe read some Chicken Soup for the Teenage Girl's Soul?  Yeah, me too.  I was always into the empowermenty stuff. Pretty comfortable with how I looked.  My self- esteem issues have always been more like, "Okay, what matters is on the inside but what if what's on the inside of me is bad?"  This dilemma of only talking to girls about body image self- esteem is a discussion for a different day.  The conclusion you should get from this is that I've always been pretty cool with my body.

This has not changed since I've gained weight, in fact a strange thing has happened.  I like being curvy.  My facebook newsfeed shouts with "healthy at any size" inspiration and I enjoy being part of the larger community, shall we say.  It's super weird and I'm pretty sure no one else has ever felt this way.  The thing is, I'm not healthy at this size, I'm eating too much and am pretty damn sedentary.  I argue with myself about exercise because I don't want to lose my hips. Also, I'm not really very overweight at all, most people couldn't tell that I've gained anything substantial.  But I have.  I feel like a strange feminist social experiment- but in a good way.  I'm definitely going to get back into yoga though.

P.S. Welcome to my new blog.  I hope to write more regularly here.  Perhaps even weekly.  Junior year is kinda hard.


  1. Hey!
    first off i can totally relate to some of the issues you brought up.
    i think that issues that have to do with body image and how girls (and boys) see themselves go far beyond "omg, im so fat and i wanna be skinny". people always make it as if i have no problems just because im tall and skinny and fit into our societys definition of "beautiful".
    i personally find it offensive when people call me a "toothpick" or "skin and bones". i know they dont mean it that way, but it still makes me feel bad.
    i have lately realized that i will always be tall. this is not some awkward stage i will grow out of. and you know what? im fine with that. i am happy to date guys shorter than me, because i believe in seeing NATURAL as BEAUTIFUL. (and also because height importance is one of the dumbest things patriarchy has brought into our society)
    and that is really the essence of what im trying to get at i guess- the importance of health. i feel unhappy with my body when i eat chocolate all day (and i do almost every day), because people telling me i should enjoy it while i can and that im so lucky it doesnt affect me just isnt right- it does affect me. or when i dance i feel really good, because i feel i am in my body and using it well.
    i say- aim for a healthy natural lifestyle, remember that liking curvy is just like liking skinny, or liking blonde, or liking big eyes.
    liking healthy will both help you view yourself as beautiful in your most natural state, and actually be good for your body.
    so from one TOF to another- good luck :)

    1. Thanks for replying! I totally agree. The reason I wrote the post is exactly because I'm having these conflicts. I know I will feel better eating right and exercising yet I have this alternative feminist body standard that's gone the opposite way of society, saying that being a curvy woman means you take up space and are radical. It's really screwed up and I'm trying to fix it... Anyway, I'm working on a new post,so let me know what you think :)

  2. sorry for the weirdo name...
    i had to change it for some school project and now cant get it back...