So recently, I gained some weight. Fifteen pounds from the weight I like to pretend to be and five to ten pounds actually heavier than I was before. Basically, since last spring during finals month I've eaten with pretty reckless abandon. Chocolate makes me happy. So does tofu. And pasta. And cake. It's fine, I'm really cool with it. I believe that my worth is not linked to my scale and I am a strong and independent feminist woman who don't need no beauty standards. This is all fine. So what's the problem, you may ask?
Well dear readers, let me give you a little history. For all the girls,do you remember those times when your camp counselors/ school nurses/ gym teachers took you into one room while the boys got to play dodgeball? They played Mean Girls clips and gave you compact mirrors and told you you were beautiful inside out, maybe read some Chicken Soup for the Teenage Girl's Soul? Yeah, me too. I was always into the empowermenty stuff. Pretty comfortable with how I looked. My self- esteem issues have always been more like, "Okay, what matters is on the inside but what if what's on the inside of me is bad?" This dilemma of only talking to girls about body image self- esteem is a discussion for a different day. The conclusion you should get from this is that I've always been pretty cool with my body.
This has not changed since I've gained weight, in fact a strange thing has happened. I like being curvy. My facebook newsfeed shouts with "healthy at any size" inspiration and I enjoy being part of the larger community, shall we say. It's super weird and I'm pretty sure no one else has ever felt this way. The thing is, I'm not healthy at this size, I'm eating too much and am pretty damn sedentary. I argue with myself about exercise because I don't want to lose my hips. Also, I'm not really very overweight at all, most people couldn't tell that I've gained anything substantial. But I have. I feel like a strange feminist social experiment- but in a good way. I'm definitely going to get back into yoga though.
P.S. Welcome to my new blog. I hope to write more regularly here. Perhaps even weekly. Junior year is kinda hard.